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“Pimp up my piano”. No that’s not a newly commissioned TV serious, but is in fact a Google search that has lead someone to my blog. I wonder what they hoped to do. David Marsden The Anxious Gardener recently wrote a blog post with a list of some of the searches seen in his stats. This got me looking in my stats to see what my viewers had been searching for. Predictably enough a lot of people have come here searching for sheet music. A while ago I had planned on posting up sheets as I learnt, but copyright rules make that tricky. A good number of people are trying to age/value their pianos. But the most frequent searches don’t make for the most interesting. It’s the one-offs that set the mind thinking.

“I’m fairly happy and listen to sad songs why is this” Now I can sympathise with this searcher. I too am fairly happy, and I also like to listen to sad songs. However I have yet to turn to Google for self analysis. I’m not even sure that someone possessing these two personality traits needs an answer to this question. But I do hope that the searcher found a kindred spirit in me, and therefore realized they were not alone.

“Adult video-post” This is a bit of a weird one. I’ve no idea why this would have brought up my blog. I just typed the same words into google and got 122,000,000 results. The first page seemed to be rather what you would predict for such a search term (I was careful not to click on any of the results). I wonder what page my blog ranks in such a search I’d guess it would be one of the last to come up. Who gets past the second page on Google? Let alone the 10 millionth.

“hacienda urinal manchester” I can kind of understand why this search found my blog, me having once written about the now closed nightclub. But I have no idea what they were hoping to find. Perhaps they would like to track down the porcelain from this famous (infamous?) venue? Whatever it was they were pretty determined. My blog doesn’t even make it to the first 10 pages.

“what was the piece that einaudi finished his brighton concert with”  Sorry, can’t help you there. I wasn’t at any of his Brighton concerts, and you forgot to say the date anyway. So good luck with that one, but I don’t fancy your chances. “I wish I’d taken piano” Well as I’ve said a few times, It’s never to late to learn. What were they hoping to find with that question? “why do i get so nervous when people watch me playing piano” I feel sorry for them. I’d say that most of us get stage fright. But like some of the earlier searchers, this one also seems to be more a psychoanalytical type question. It’s not the more practical question – what can I do about my nerves?, but; why am I nervous? Good luck with that.

But my favourite search terms was “my piano teacher noticed my erection“. I wonder how old they were? A hormonal teenager? Or an overexcited adult who misunderstood his teacher when they said that in today’s lesson they would be concentrating on fingering. I wonder how the teacher let the pupil know they had noticed it?

My wife writes a blog called Wellywoman and has twice written about her searches. You can guess that with such a name she has attracted quite a few rubber  fetishists. I bet there are some classic searches in your blog stats too. Do take a look. I’d love to read yours.